The Cheese Stands Alone

Backstage in the XWF arena, Katie Law stands by with a microphone in hand. She smiles into the camera's view for a few silent moments, but eventually loses her patience and checks a dainty watch on her right wrist.

Katie Law: "He's late for the segment. He was supposed to have been here by now.

If he's not here in thirty seconds, we're cutting."

She begins tapping her left foot on the floor and crosses her arms over chest impatiently. She exhales loudly to calm herself, and upon inhaling deeply again, she retches and nearly loses her lunch. The camera seems to lurch forward a bit as a deeper voice from behind it falls into a series of slight, guttural moans.

Katie Law: "What... what... what is that smell?!"

She clasps a hand over mouth and nose and nearly falls to her knees as the camera refocuses on her. A soft, whistled tune can be heard from the camera's right side. It gets louder as the whistler behind it seems to get closer and closer to the interview area. Sweeney Antoine strolls into the frame as Ms. Law continues retching and dry-heaving. He carries a tiny spoon in his right hand and a small, circular wooden box in his left. He stops whistling and stares blissfully at Katie Law, a content smile on his face. He simply watches Ms. Law for a few moments before digging his spoon into the circular box, removing something creamy, and eating the mystery substance. He smacks on it loudly as Katie Law begins to recompose herself. She breathes heavily - in and out - while Sweeney mumbles his satisfaction with his snack.

Katie Law: "What... what is that?"

Sweeney Antoine: "This? Why this is a demitasse spoon."

He holds the tony spoon up for the camera to see, still smiling with some odd combination of self-satisfaction and legitimate contentedness smeared over his face.

Sweeney Antoine: "It's a very small soon, typically used when enjoying just the finest little espresso. Sometimes, you can use it to -"

Katie Law: "No! What the hell are you eating?!"

Sweeney Antoine: "Oh! Of course, Ms. Law. This is Epoisses de Bourgogne, or Epoisses for short.

It's a raw, cow's-milk cheese from Cote-d'Or in Burgundy, France. To make it, the cheesemaker continuously washes the rind of the unripened cheese in marc du bourgogne, or a pear brandy from the same region. It is dee-licious, and certainly among the finer things in life."

Katie Law: "It stinks!"

Sweeney Antoine chuckles to himself as Katie Law keeps her nose covered.

Sweeney Antoine: "You know, you're right about that. This cheese smells just awful.

It's so pungent, that it's tough to see beyond that smell. The stink - that nostril-ruining stench - becomes the only part of this cheese that a narrow-minded person can perceive.

But once you get past the smell and taste the stuff, you realize you've got the best cheese in the world, right in the palm of your hand. You've just got to take that leap of faith, dear Katie, and you'll be spooning up the good life."

Katie Law: "But why are you eating right here, right now?!"

As Katie continues to get worked up over the stench of the cheese before her, Sweeney smiles a little deeper and continues his reverie.

Sweeney Antoine: "Well, you see, this stinky cheese is like a metaphor for my level of competition here in XWF so far.

Two weeks in, and I've got two wins. But would the fans here know that?

No.

Because the stink of my opponents so far is so overwhelming, so overbearing, so overtaking... that the narrow-minded fans of XWF can't see past it.

I could have fifty wins. I could have every major championship around my chiseled waist. I could literally own the company outright.

But none of you would notice me, because Trish Stratus and El Hero Generico smell so bad that you'd rather just ignore the whole situation outright.

This upsets me, dear people, because I know that I truly am great. I know how close I am to dominating this entire company, and I want to give you all the chance to get in on the ground floor.

So even though I don't have a match tonight and I get to rest up for the semifinals of the Television Championship tournament set to take place next week, I want you all to do your hardest to smell past the stench that hangs thick in the air of this arena..."

He eats another spoonful of the Epoisses as Katie watches on in wonder.

Sweeney Antoine: "...And see the cheese behind it for what it is: the best in the world."

He tips his sailor's cap to Katie Law and strolls out of the frame, spooning more Epoisses into his mouth and smacking his lips delightedly. Katie Law slowly turns to face the camera and merely shakes her head as the scene fades to black.

Awesome RP Cheese Man! RP is inserted in the Show!

Cheers, Reckless! Glad you've been liking my stuff.

Since it's already added to the show, do you think you could adjust a spelling error for me that I just caught?

Right after he says "This is a demitasse spoon," the next paragraph has the word "tony" where I meant to type "tiny." Thanks!

- Rausch/Sweeney/CheeseDude